fic by nic6879 & pic by E ( random-ship )
She turns on the shower but that’s as far as she gets.
The water roars from the shower head, pounds onto the tiles with deafening ferocity and she’s drowning, drowning, drowning.
She slides down the wall, crashes to the ground with her tailbone landing hard on the tiled floor. She doesn’t feel it, nor the scrapes on her arms or the burn wounds on her hands, nothing but the raw agony tearing through her.
She’d fought them but they’d held her back; she’d screamed and threatened but it was to no avail. One fireman gripping each of her arms when she’d tried to race down that embankment, pull him from the inferno herself if she must. But she couldn’t.
She couldn’t save him.
She huddles in the corner, squeezes herself against the walls, her arms clamped around her knees as if it’s the only thing containing her when all she feels is being torn apart, ripped to shreds from the inside out, bloody and ferocious as she disintegrates.
"We can’t give up," he’d told her yesterday - had it really been only yesterday? It feels unbelievably far away, merely a hazy memory that is taunting her with their lifetime of happiness she had so fiercely believed in - when she’d thought they would make it.
Now it seems foreboding, a dark, sinister warning sign - but it’s what kept her going, his words urging her forward.
And so she’d been pushing through for hours. Set one foot in front of the other, removed herself from the emotions, as if she was merely watching herself make decisions, give orders, coordinate searches and next steps.
It’s what she had to do - the only thing she could do, the only thing she’s good at.
She’d finally allowed Lanie to help her out of her dress. Had stood there unmoving, staring out the window at the endless stretch of ocean, the ceaseless rhythm of the waves while her friend unzipped the dress, peeled the ruined fabric, ripped and blackened with soot, off her shoulders and down over her hips until it pooled around her feet and she guided her to step out of it.
She’d wanted her husband to do that.
She’s crying out, sounds cracking from her throat that barely sound human as she’s choking, heaving for air, her lungs convulsing in her chest.
"You can’t give up." His voice is so clear in her head, calling for her as if he’s right there with her, whispering in her ear. There’s such awe and love in his voice, so much trust in her. He’s always believed in her; against all odds he’d been by her side, believed that she could accomplish the impossible when no one else could.
She presses her forehead to her knees, the deluge of tears on her cheeks wetting her skin as she focuses, conjures up his face. He’s looking right at her, warm and hopeful, fine laugh lines crinkling the corners of his bright blue eyes and a smile curling at the corners of his mouth and their promise on his lips.
'I won't give up,' she swears, her oath to him - and to herself.
She won’t give up.
But now - just for now - she cries.
thank you nic6879 for giving my picture your lovely words ♥